I like this list from Portland Pulp. People who order preposterous drinks and other such nonsense should know damn well what’s in them and be able to quickly rattle off their ingredients if one of Portland’s hapless beer slingers does not know how to make it.
But! Bartenders! Please, for the love of fucking Baby Jesus, learn how to make your basic, primary, goddamn rudimentary cocktails. I can’t count the number of times I’ve walked into a Portland bar, asked for an old fashioned or something similarly easy to make (it has four ingredients!), and had the schmuck behind the bar stand there and stare at me. I know it’s a beer town, but come on. It’s basic. It’s the cheese pizza of drinks!
If someone doesn’t know how to make an old fashioned, it doesn’t mean I don’t tip. It means I leave the bar.
“WHAT GET OFF OF ME HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT EW SECURITY AHH SECURITY [short pause] HELP OH MY GOD HEEEEELP OH MY GOD [short pause] YUCK [medium pause] WHOAH OK [longer pause] SORRY SO SORRY LADIES & GENTLEMEN THAT BITCH WAS NUTS SORRY OH MY GOD I MEAN OH MY GOSH I SHOULDN’T HAVE SAID BITCH I KNOW…
Aaahhhhhhhh must reblog Katy Perry cockroach fantasy deal ahhahhhhhhh
Ha ha. Sign hacking like this was a big deal a few years ago, until construction crews and ODOT-type folks started locking up the control panels, where you can change what a sign says. I guess that’s no longer happening? Well, anyway, awesome. WE WANT MOAR ZOMBIE SIGNS, etc.
I’m sitting in the Fresh Pot downtown, and everyone looks outstanding. Everyone’s haircuts are crispy. Everyone’s trousers fit. Everyone’s shoes are…at lest intentional, rather than the “I put these on because I randomly found them in my closet” look I’m used to. What’s up, Portland? Everyone usually looks so schlubby. Also, this guy in front of me has the word “fucker” tattooed on his bicep, and even it looks spectacular. Like, so spectacular that I kind of want to get the word “fucker” tattooed on my arm. Or throat, maybe.
Here’s your crazy fucking story for the day, from Douglas County (OR) News Review:
A small political gathering of about 18 liberal thinkers at River Forks Park Sunday afternoon erupted in conflict when about 35 members of the conservative tea party intruded upon the meeting, waving flags and holding signs accusing the rival group of being communists, Marxists and socialists.
The liberal group — organized by MoveOn.org — decided to leave the park and move its potluck to a nearby home. Members of the conservative group followed, parking at the entrance of a private lane leading to the home to continue their protest.
Roseburg Democrats Dean and Sara Byers said Monday they told tea party members who followed that they were not welcome to drive down the lane to their home.
The Byerses said they got out of their car to stop vehicles from entering the driveway and one tea party member almost ran them over.
Sara Byers said she was so shaken she called 911. She said a Douglas County deputy called about an hour and a half later and said he had been unable to respond because of other incidents. Byers said she was still considering filing a criminal complaint against members of the tea party for harassment.
A leader of the tea party group, Rich Raynor of Roseburg, disputed the liberal group’s version of events.
“They are liars,” said Raynor, director of Douglas County Americans for Prosperity. “That is what communists do.”
My god, these people. First they allegedly chase a bunch of liberal, Oregon geriatric hippies through whatever podunk town they live in to, what? Stop them from talking to one another? And then they fucking accuse the hippies of lying about their story! Well, of course! Why would they tell the truth - that they were plotting the communist takeover?
There’s a lot to work with here - how people can be at once constitutionalists, and yet so seemingly unbothered by the freedoms granted by the first fucking amendment, etc. - but I’ll leave that for someone else. Suffice to say, these people are awful.
Yakuza’s Asian-inspired paradise just unleashed their only-for-Thrillisters “Tripe B”, an already-awesome burger augmented with bone marrow aioli, Tillamook white cheddar, and crisp tempura pork belly”
That motherfucker sounds good, yo.
In other news, I’m about a butt hair away from being finished with a big-assed feature story. It’s really nice outside. The weekend is basically here, telling me to drop what I’m doing and eat hamburgers and drink glacially-cold beer after eating nothing but goddamn salads and drinking NO BEER WHATSOEVER all week. Fuck work. Let’s get it on.
"The day I visited the special was fettuccine with garlic scapes, red pepper flakes and shaved Parmesan served with a mixed green salad and sliced baguette on the side. Yes, please! The scapes were so fresh, they had just finished prepping them for lunch. The dish was brilliant with that light garlic flavor, a buttery texture and a hint of heat from the red pepper flakes."
We here at Stumptown Magazine are all fucking about this. This is the Saturday lunch plan. Book it.
Ha ha, when I first read this headline I thought, “Bedbugs. HOLY SHIT.” But then I read the story and it’s just talking about how dirty the seats on TriMet busses and trains are. Dirty with germs and whatnot.
Hey, you guys, do you know what will stop those germs from making you sick if you’re on the bus? YOUR SKIN, pussies.
Love the new Twitter homies, @happyhourhoneys. Portland needs another food and drink blog like I need a hole in the head, but this site is just a great mix of food and drink reviews, travel writing, personal stories and big-ass photos. All about it.